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Who of us when presented with turning the keys over to our wives would of done so had we known the crafting by her would take on a form of continual denial of the submissive cravings every fiber in our body demands and prolonged abstinences from sexual activity. However, if the wife is crafting things how she wants and is purposefully inflicting mental anguish, it is no different in my mind from a wife who inflicts physical pain to her husband in the form of corporal punishment. In both cases, the control is from the wife and the sub-husband is on the receiving end of the infliction of pain. Discontent, irritability, and anguish at the direction of the dominant wife is what we have enlisted for. It may take many forms, but if the wife is directing it as such and is getting pleasure out of the situation, it is an enjoyable process for me to endure. Sadistic though it may be, still a form of control that I willingly agreed to live under, and each of my co-sub-husbands.
I do understand this is an ideal, and not always able to be put into daily life practice. Just last week, I approached my wife with my feelings of neglect. She has responded wonderfully and now there is a lot more sexual teasing from her and recognition by her of her dominant role that is helping me in that area. I think she is starting to enjoy herself more too. If she was sadistic and choose to allow me to suffer, I may be able to have my submissive cravings met that way, but since she does not enjoy seeing me suffer that does not work. For those out there who’s wives are consciously deciding to allow you to suffer, I would suggest this may be a form of enjoyment of theirs and therefore something you can gain pleasure from yourselves.
I agree with most of what you wrote. A non-dominant wife if she chooses to pursue a FLR must weave her way thru many things and us left with as you out it" pieces" to try to figure out. As loving husbnds and submisisves it is our jobs to be patience during this process and guide if possible without topping from the bottom.
ReplyDeleteThis also not a one size fits all situation. There are all kinds of varying degrees of FLR's and a couple needs to find what works for them and what does not.
The other message in todays blog was your concern about being neglected. As submisisve husbands it is our jobs and pleasure to always see to our wives needs and wants. Afterall, we are subs?? I think it's easy for wives to forget we have needs and desires too. Also like in any relationship you get stagnant.And like any relationship communication is the key. Good for you for speaking up.
Like any relationship a FLR will have it's ruts too. It's easier for us because our whole purpose, our main focus is to please and service.
Lastly, like any othter healthy relationship it grows and changes and it's up to both people to work together to grow.
I know what you are trying to say, and have often tried to use the idea that Jane is just somehow witholding her dominant side in order to tease and encourage my submission. I know that I have felt so desparate in the past, that I have done more and more to try and encourage her to respond. In someway, Jane is applying a degree of domination just by making me feel that way. Just the thought that she is conciously using me in this way, her femininity, and my desire to submit, even excites me to just think about it.
ReplyDeleteMr. 4EH,
ReplyDeleteHello. Thx for the thoughtful comment.
It is a challenge shifting from an egalitarian marriage into a WLM one. I find it welcoming both because of my intrinsic desires and the opportunities for growth and discovery.
I too agree open conversation among people in a relationship is healthy and often suggest it to others as well.
-SH
Mr. @AT,
ReplyDeleteHello and glad the point came across. If I may offer an outside perspective, I do believe your wife has sadistic tendencies she subtly enjoys. I believe this from reading your blog and comments you have left on mine and in others. You may not have cemented this perspective for yourself, but I have often seen it as such when viewing your relationship from the outside. She is not overt in her sadistic behavior, but sadistic none the less. And further, I believe she enjoys it too.
-SH
There is a big difference between a wife who is simply ignoring her sub and one who is satisfying her sadistic side by denying him. I don't think a D/s relationship can work if a sub is being ignored because of indifference (or a lack of awareness) on the Dom's part.
ReplyDeleteYou were right to tell her of your feelings. Hopefully, her positive response was more than her willingness to satisfy your needs. One would hope it's satsfying HER needs as well. If it isn't, you've got some problems, as it qualifies as topping from the bottom.
Your comments to aat were interesting. I've read his posts as well, and I really don't see much evidence of a really sadistic side to his wife. A few moments here and there, but it's not sustained on a regular basis. I feel certain that aat would love it if you were correct!
Ms. Grey,
ReplyDeleteGood morning. I believe a wife who knowingly denies a submissive husband and enjoys the infliction of mental anguish is sadistic. I also believe Mr. @AT's wife has these tendencies. I believe she knows the effect she is having and enjoys subvertly the result. This is clearly sadistic behaviour, IMHO. As the recipient of sadistic manipulation, I do believe it is possible to activated submissive pleasure mechanisms around the sadistic behaviour of the Dom. This is again, just MHO, coming from a sub who is able to feel pleasure doing things my wife enjoys. It is a complicated topic for sure and one that deals with subtleties that can be viewed differently from differing perspectives.
I agree I am flirting with TFTB and have had a history of doing so. Sometimes on a subconscious level. Thank you for pointing this out here. No good can come from TFTB I have found.
-SH